EgyptSaidSo.com

Dear Egypt,

I’ve been dating this guy for almost 5 years and I love him with all my heart. The thing is we’ve been through so much and I took him back through all the wrong he’s ever done to me. Two years into our relationship he cheated and had a baby with some other girl. Being stupid in love took him back because I thought that we could get through anything. Now it’s been 4 years and 6 months that we’ve been together and I know that he’s cheating again. I’ve never loved somebody as much as I love him. I know without a doubt that he feels the same as I do he just can’t show it. I try to get advice from my friends but the thing is they all tell me I’m stupid for trying to stick it out with him. I’ve been through absolutely everything with him through losing a child and so much more. I’m practically dying inside because he always says to me that he doesn’t want to lose me, but all he’s doing is pushing me away……Egypt please could you give me a little advice as to what to do because with him being my first love I feel like I’m slipping away at the thought of us splitting up. I have to know if I’m doing the right thing by staying with him.

Nelly

Dear Nelly,
I hear these types of situations too often. The sad thing is that I can sit here and write you a novel about why you should break up with him and why he is unhealthy for you. But the bottom line is that you have probably heard it already from your girlfriends and family members right???? I will indulge anyway for those who may be going through the same thing but haven’t heard the tough love spiel.

I re-read your letter 3 times and you know what I notice….your making excuses for him. Your valuing him and his feelings more than you value yourself. You say in your own words “I’ve never loved somebody as much as I love him”. This should never be the case. YOU need to love YOU first!!! Love yourself and make sure YOUR whole before you start losing pieces of yourself to men.

You also say “I know without a doubt that he feels the same as I do he just can’t show it.”….You know what, perhaps this is true. Perhaps he really does love you as much as he knows how to love a woman. But you need to ask yourself if that’s enough??? Because I don’t think it is, or else you wouldn’t be in this mess. Furthermore, ask yourself WHY his actions don’t match his words? Don’t believe people’s words, believe their actions. When people SHOW you who they are…believe them.

Fact: He cheated once before and you took him back.
Question: If he knows you will take him back then what will stop him from doing it again and again and again and again…
Fact: He got another girl pregnant.
Question: So you mean to tell me he had the nerve to go raw dog with her too?? Ever heard of AIDS??
Fact: Your trying to stick it out with him and be a ride or die chick.
Question: Why?? What is he giving you except maybe some good sex and heartache?? The length of time you have been with someone is not a good enough reason to continue staying in a bad relationship. You will just waste another 5 years of your life.
Fact: You believe he is cheating again
FACT: Then he is….a woman’s instinct is nothing to ignore. (notice I said Fact again).
Question: Do you want to put yourself through this agony for even another day??

I think you are afraid of being alone. Or maybe you just don’t want to lose and let another woman have him.
You are trying to convince yourself that he is the one for you and the only man that can make you happy. But to me it sounds like you are already miserable. So why not take a step out on faith and see what options God may have for you. You know what heartache is in store for you if you stay….why not take a chance on happiness??? You owe it to yourself.
A year from now you may even laugh at these feelings and this letter. Girl trust me I have lived through this same heartache. But the minute I was strong enough to get rid of all the Mr. Wrongs in my life, God blessed me with Mr. Right and he WILL do the same for you.
Egypt

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Egypt PLEASE HELP!
I have 3 daughters age 25, 21 and 17! Now as you know a mother tries to teach her daughters how to find a good man and not an old piece of Sh*t! My 25 year old has 3 kids. The oldest is 10 then 5 then 1. Her “boyfriend” s the father of the last two but he doesn’t do anything for them! He doesn’t help her with any bills and he has a kid the same age as her five year old! He pays so much child support to his other five year old that he doesn’t feel he needs to pay any money for the two that live with him! He always tells her to get out the house and take “her” kids with her! One day he told her to get out so she said “ok I’m moving”, then he goes “wait baby I love you let’s get married”! Now she’s talking about getting married to this little boy who can’t help her pay a damn bill! He ain’t sh*t, his momma ain’t Sh*t, and if she doesn’t get out of this relationship immediately my grandchildren will follow in his footsteps! Egypt I know you will have so much advice for me on this subject!
Momma L Boogie

Hey L Boog!!
Whooaa…. I could literally feel your anger and frustration through this email. I have never even seen you, yet I could imagine you calling two guys named Big Mike and Ray Ray to take your daughter’s boyfriend out in an alley somewhere and……ummmm hmmmm!!

L, your daughter is a grown woman with three kids. She is going to do what she wants to do even if its the absolute wrong thing for her. (I know if you are writing me this letter then you have already tried to talk sense into her and she is just not listening).  There are some people in this world that MUST learn everything the hard way. They insist on walking straight into a brick wall 30 times before they realize there is another direction they can walk in…. Unfortunately this is one of those situations where you have to  ‘play your position’. In this case you are the cushion that your daughter will fall back on;  the safe place for her to go when she needs help and real love; the one that will have to catch her when she falls….and she will fall if she doesn’t drop that zero.

I know most women can name at least one man in their life that had a hold over them. I used to have this boyfriend that I was weak for. I mean this man treated me like ish but I thought that if I just loved him harder and stronger that one day he would wake up. He never did -but eventually I did!!! And that was a tough life lesson that I NEEDED to learn the hard way. In retrospect, no one could have told me anything about him…..I had to go through that process myself.

You can’t play hardball on this one with your daughter if she is weak for him. That will only drive her away from you and closer to him. Try to get through to her again differently…like in a letter or on a recorder. This way she will be forced to read it or listen to it without talking back or talking over you. This really works for me at times because (some) people in my life are extremely opinionated and instead of listening to me when I am trying to get through to them, they are busy thinking about their “come back”.

So tell her your fears, your frustrations, pinpoint and quote the degrading things her man has said and done to her. Then ask her if she is content with living the rest of her life in mediocrity? Or does she want better for herself and her children? (You can want better for her alllll day but the key is that she needs to want better for herself) Then assure her at the end that you ARE and ALWAYS WILL BE MOM. Which means, you are there for her unconditionally, and are trying not to judge. But that it hurts your heart to see her settling for a pauper when she could have a KING.

If that doesn’t get through to her L, you will need to chant the serenity prayer to maintain your sanity while she goes through her process and walks into that brick wall 10 more times. “Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrr I can always give you this guy named DOOM’s number who takes out the trash …..if you know what I mean (wink) lolol.

Good Luck,

Egypt

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Dear Egypt,
My best friend is a liar! She lies all the time. Recently she has come up with one of the biggest lies ever! Almost two years ago she got pregnant (we were still in high school). And when ask who the babies’ father was, she said she got raped! I have talked to all of our close mutual friends (including her boyfriend, which we know is the father!) and everyone knows she’s lying! Rape is not something to joke around with! Should we confront her, or let the lie eat her up until she finally tells us the truth? Girl, please help me out!
Ruby Eyez

Heyyy Ruby!!
Gurrl it must be something in the water. I just cut off one of my friends for the same reason. Actually her drama was a lot deeper. She would lie about stupid stuff like what she had for breakfast in the morning. At first I didn’t mind it because it didn’t affect me personally. Whenever she would tell one of her whoppers, me and my other friends would just give each other that sly look of “you know this child is lying”, and then we would laugh about it later.

Eventually, (right before Christmas) her lies got sooo devious and manipulative that I had to give her the jagged ax. It hurt me to do it because it is in my nature to be a forgiving person. But she started ruining lives and relationships. I had to get away from that negative energy and foolishness. I told you my story because (Well I just wanted to vent) but you also need to know that your situation is a very common one. It takes all types of people to make up this world. Some are balanced, honest, good people. And others are delusional cookoo birds that need constant medication. But wouldn’t this world be boring without the variety.
I am convinced there are four types of liars:

1)Fibbers: These people tell little fibs here and there to keep themselves out of trouble. Like: “No I didn’t drink the last of the grape kool-aid“. There is no cure usually need for them because they tend to tell the truth a week later and/or ask God for forgiveness.

2) Manipuliars: These people are sooo devious and scandalous. They will lie on their own momma if it means they can get ahead. They ruin lives and relationships and have no conscious about it. There is no cure for them but they have a standing appointment in Hell!!

3)Sympathiars: These people tend to lie for sympathy or attention. Their lies don’t usually hurt anyone but themselves. Their cure comes as they become comfortable in their own skin and begin to find purpose in their lives. All they really want is validation.

4) Compulsiars: These people lie from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep and almost cannot help it. They actually start to believe their own lies. The only cure for this is medication and psychiatric treatment.

My ex- friend was a combination of 2 and 4. Sounds like your friend is a 3: Which means your friendship with her probably means more than you realize. She is a needy little kid inside her head just thirsting for attention and validation. Do you look beyond her transgressions and love her unconditionally? Or do you confront her and say that if she lies again you will lose her number?? Only you know how much she means to you…..let me know what you decide. But let me warn you…if she progresses to a 2 or 4, you better drop her like Ciara did Bow Wow!
Love Ya
Egypt

Ruby Eyez replies: Egypt thank you so much you gave me a new way to look at things. Yes I agree she is a Sympathiar. I have realized that she knows she made a mistake by not protecting herself during sex so she had to lie and say she got raped. I just personally don’t think rape is a joke and shouldn’t be thrown around as a cover up for being irresponsible. I’m not sure if I am ready to cut her off completely because we’ve been friends since 3rd grade and now we’re in our second semester of college. I love her to death I just need her to stop lying! This lie can do nothing except get worst as the years go on! For right now im’ma chill, sit back and always have in my mind what you said! And when i finally can’t take it anymore she will be cut! LOL! Thanks again! You will be getting more questions from me in the future.

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Dear Egypt
We need to talk about this whole Facebook situation. I’ve been going on it for about a year now and enjoy catching up with old friends, hearing what people are up to etc. But I recently put my girlfriend onto it and now she’s out of control. She turned into one of those people who post ALL of their business. Stuff like, “Stacey is feeling cold. Maybe she’ll have some soup.” “Stacey and her boo just had a fight” and so on and so on. It’s driving me crazy how she’s putting our business out there like that. But when I confront her she says “what, your embarrassed that your friends know we had a fight? Or that I want soup?” Egypt, am I crazy here? Do people really want to hear all these details?
James
Hey James!
I am actually LMAO about this letter because I just literally finished dealing with a Facebook ordeal moments ago. Three people have actually stolen my identity, taken my pics and name and created an identity on Facebook as if they were me. I am not stressing it except that all my names are taken up and now I can’t create a Facebook page for myself!! lololol. Facebook management says that they will delete those profiles and notify me asap. Anywayyyyzzzz……

As far as your situation, I really feel your frustration. We have turned into a generation of internet zombies. It used to be TV that was the culprit and now it’s the internet that is eating up hours of potentially productive time (as I sit here talking to you on my blog lolol). At the end of our lives it would very interesting to see the amount of time we spent on the internet, video games and TV. Can you imagine if God said, “James I am disappointed in you because you spent 17 years worth of time on the internet and Wii when you could have been coming up with a cure for cancer”, lololmfao.

Your girlfriend Stacey is perfectly normal. She is addicted to Facebook just like millions of other Americans. In a few months this phenomenon will  get old and they will invent something else for us to get addicted to. Ease up. She is just having fun. Maybe you should post on your profile “James is about to break up with Stacey if she doesn’t get off of Facebook”. heheh.
Good Luck Homie!
Egypt

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Hey E:
I want you to answer a question. How long can a jump off be? I’m asking because I’ve been talking to this guy for over a year now, but every time I ask him what’s up with us, he says, “come on now, you know this was just a jump off.” See, he’s got a girl that’s in the military and he only sees her a few times a year, but I feel like he’s just using that as an excuse to not make a commitment to me. I’m like, if this was just a “jump off” it would have only lasted a few weeks or even a month. After a year, I deserve some sort of commitment. I think he feels that just because he was honest with me from the beginning about having a steady girl, he can keep trying to act like this isn’t serious. But after a year, I don’t think that’s fair.
lstone

Hey lstone,
Well here’s the question…Do you want the truth? OR do you want a watered down version that will leave you feeling all warm inside with a glimmer of hope? I ask this because sometimes the real truth hurts.The truth is that people only do to you what you allow them to do. He told you in the very beginning and has continued to tell you throughout your “jump off” that he has a girlfriend. It doesn’t matter if your fling lasts 5 weeks or 5 years. So long as he tells you that he has a girlfriend and is not breaking up with her, you will remain THE JUMP OFF.

Quite honestly you did this to yourself. When you made the choice to deal with a taken man you put yourself in the category of “side chick”. It’s not very often that the chick on the side gets promoted to wifey material. Why should you? In his mind you have given him everything he wants and he hasn’t had to work for anything. The irony of it all is that one day he may very well decide to break up with military mama. But you better believe that he will keep you in the same box that your in and go find some Grade A no nonsense woman to wife.

You simply cannot change the game in the fifth inning, you can only change the players!!! If what you want is a real commitment, then you need to look for someone else and start fresh. Besides why would you want someone as a boyfriend who you already know cheats?? Before you go looking for a new man I need you to do a few things for yourself:

1) Stop chasing men that don’t want to be caught. If he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship then believe him! We need to stop thinking we can change a man.
2) Think about what you want out of a man, in a relationship, and for your life. And don’t accept any less than that!
3) Don’t mess with another woman’s man. If I stress nothing else to you, this is the most important. The law of karma is nothing to mess with. How you get a man is how you will lose him.

I know this all sounds easier said than done because you seem to really care about this guy. Stay in touch with me and let me know what you decide to do.
Egypt

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Dear Egypt,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two years now and just recently we had a baby boy. While we both love our son, I don’t think the relationship is really headed anywhere. We were starting to drift before the baby, and I feel it happening again now. But my boyfriend wants to get married because he thinks it’s important for a boy to have a father. I agree, but I also don’t think it’s good for a boy to grow up around an unhealthy marriage Should I be strong and follow my instinct, or am I being selfish and should try to stick it out for my son? Help E.
MommaBear146

Momma,
If there is one thing that you are entitled to be selfish about, it’s the direction you take with the rest of your life!! Marriage is nothing to jump into…neither is having a baby. Some people tend to think that having a baby or getting married will fix the problems in a relationship. Our divorce rate is proof that it won’t. Marriage only magnifies issues that are already there but we refuse to see because we are blinded by love or sex.

I must say that I admire that your man is willing to do the “right thing” and marry you for the sake of your child. But let’s really examine the “right thing”.  The “right thing” in society’s eyes may not be the “right thing” for your life and happiness. Would it be “the right thing” for the both of you to constantly fuss and fight in front of that child?? No…that’s not good for your physical or mental health. Would it be “the right thing” for the both of you to be so disgusted at the sight of one another that you stay out of the house as long as possible so that you won’t have to deal?? No…but ask most people in unhappy marriages and they will tell you this is their reality. Would it be “the right thing” for either of you to creep around and be unfaithful in your marriage? No…but if your only thinking about getting married because its “the right thing for your son”, then this may be the harsh reality of your future.

I am 100% for family unity. But I am 200% for peace of mind and happiness. Take a good look at this man…not just his face, but his character. Can you see yourself still with him in 20 years?? Answer that question to yourself. But please, be honest with him and don’t waste his time or yours. Time is the one thing we can’t get back in this life.
Egypt

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